Royalty are supposed to be hefty.

After I made my disdain known about the dwindling size of my breakfast and dinner, the servants pulled out these rather complex charts to show me.


According to the chart, domestic shorthairs like myself should weigh between 8 and 10 pounds. My actual weight is 14, because I am a firm believer in the idea that royalty are supposed to be hefty. It's a demonstration of power and riches. But my half-witted servants beg to differ.

They also showed me a drawing of other felines of various body sizes. As a queen should, I look like the most well-rounded cat. The servants tell me that the label above this drawing reads "Obese."

I prefer zaftig.