Maybe the reason I have not lost any additional weight is because in between meals I sometimes snack on the servants.
I do have to keep them in line after all.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Snacking.
It has been one month since my last weigh-in for the Slim Pet Challenge. The servants informed me that I have not lost any weight, and the scale still continues to hover between 13.5 and 14 pounds. And yet, they have religiously (almost with a sadistic pleasure) restricted my R/D food to one-third cup in the morning and again at night.
Maybe the reason I have not lost any additional weight is because in between meals I sometimes snack on the servants.
I do have to keep them in line after all.
Maybe the reason I have not lost any additional weight is because in between meals I sometimes snack on the servants.
I do have to keep them in line after all.
Monday, February 8, 2010
I was only joking.
After I posted a certain video last week, one of my loyal minions responded with a link to a site that helps determine if your cat is trying to kill you.
When I read this link, I was appalled. Frankly, I am horrified that another cat wouldbetray our secrets treat a human with such disrespect.
Minions, do not worry. I would never really hurt you. Look at my photo.
I am so cute and innocent looking. Of course, I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.
Of course not.
When I read this link, I was appalled. Frankly, I am horrified that another cat would
Minions, do not worry. I would never really hurt you. Look at my photo.
I am so cute and innocent looking. Of course, I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.
Of course not.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
It is time.
Well, minions, it is time. Sit back and listen as I give you the answers to the questions my adoring fans sent me.
Ready?
The first question I received was in an email from Kelli, who knew me when I was the ruler of a different castle. She asks:
"Dear TC,
Who is your favorite minion and why?
Your fan,
Kelli"
This answer required a great deal of thought, because the truth is that I dislike all of my minions equally. My favorite would probably be whichever one is giving me food at that time. Usually, that is one of the female ones.
Kelli also asked:
"Dear TC,
Who is your least favorite minion and why?
Your fan,
Kelli"
My least favorite would probably be whichever one is NOT giving me food at that time. Usually, that is one of the male ones.
I also received an email from Mai, who is the ruler of a castle in another part of the country. She writes:
"I am one of your friends. My mom thinks that I need to lose some weight, so I want to ask you how the Slim Pet Challenge food tastes? Now tell me the truth, because I don't want any of that bad stuff that tastes terrible. I love reading your blog and think you are beautiful. From Mai"
Thank you, Mai. I think I am beautiful too. The problem with the Slim Pet Challenge is not that the food tastes bad. It is actually delicious. The problem is that I simply can't get enough of it. Therein lies the rub.
Another fan named Snoops wrote in to say:
"TC, you're my hero. I have 2 servants who, like yours, think I do nothing but sleep and eat. How do I get them to see I do so much more? P.S. Although I'm a dog, I actually like the feline domestic breeds, but if you run, I will follow...just an FYI. Thanks TC! L♥ve, Snoops."
A dog??? The nerve. Dogs will never be rulers like cats. But even a dog deserves respect from its servants. So, Snoops, the best way to obtain that respect is by acting like a cat. First, and this is the most difficult skill for dogs to master, do NOT run to a servant every time they call your name. If you do that, they will think they own you. Instead, whenever a servant calls your name, either (a) ignore it, (b) crane your head casually in that direction before walking the other way or (c) throw up on the carpet. Once you have mastered that first step, the rest will be easy.
I also received many questions from a particularly curious minion named Anonymous:
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
Queen Elizabeth I didn't need a boyfriend to become one of the greatest monarchs the world has ever known, so neither do I.
"Why does peanut butter stick to the roof of your mouth when you eat it? Why is the sky blue and orange? What makes clouds fluffy?"
Because I made it so.
"Where do you stand on health care reform?"
Oh, servants and their petty squabbles. I do my best not to get involved with problems that are so beneath me, but honestly, I think they could learn a thing or two about good health care if they allowed themselves to be treated by a veterinarian instead.
"Do you ever hang out at the Mean Eyed Cat on 5th street?"
Because of my fawning minions, it isn't safe for me to be in areas as heavily populated as downtown, but I have on occasion asked my servants to bring me back something from the establishment you mentioned.
"Which American Idol guest judge has been the most impressive?"
The guest judges are in no way an adequate substitute for Ms. Paula Abdul, the servant of the great MC Skat Kat.
"Over or under?"
I'm not exactly sure what Anonymous means by this impertinent question, but I definitely rule OVER all of my minions.
"What is your favorite movie?"
As I often tell my servants when they disobey me, my favorite movie is "Heathers." (This is probably why the servants routinely hide the Drain-o in different places around the castle.) When it comes to theatre, many minions mistakenly assume I like "Cats," but the truth is that the very idea of humans playing cats is such an insult that I've never been able to stomach watching it. Instead, when I do have time for a play, I much prefer the inspirational tale of "Macbeth."
Ready?
The first question I received was in an email from Kelli, who knew me when I was the ruler of a different castle. She asks:
"Dear TC,
Who is your favorite minion and why?
Your fan,
Kelli"
This answer required a great deal of thought, because the truth is that I dislike all of my minions equally. My favorite would probably be whichever one is giving me food at that time. Usually, that is one of the female ones.
Kelli also asked:
"Dear TC,
Who is your least favorite minion and why?
Your fan,
Kelli"
My least favorite would probably be whichever one is NOT giving me food at that time. Usually, that is one of the male ones.
I also received an email from Mai, who is the ruler of a castle in another part of the country. She writes:
"I am one of your friends. My mom thinks that I need to lose some weight, so I want to ask you how the Slim Pet Challenge food tastes? Now tell me the truth, because I don't want any of that bad stuff that tastes terrible. I love reading your blog and think you are beautiful. From Mai"
Thank you, Mai. I think I am beautiful too. The problem with the Slim Pet Challenge is not that the food tastes bad. It is actually delicious. The problem is that I simply can't get enough of it. Therein lies the rub.
Another fan named Snoops wrote in to say:
"TC, you're my hero. I have 2 servants who, like yours, think I do nothing but sleep and eat. How do I get them to see I do so much more? P.S. Although I'm a dog, I actually like the feline domestic breeds, but if you run, I will follow...just an FYI. Thanks TC! L♥ve, Snoops."
A dog??? The nerve. Dogs will never be rulers like cats. But even a dog deserves respect from its servants. So, Snoops, the best way to obtain that respect is by acting like a cat. First, and this is the most difficult skill for dogs to master, do NOT run to a servant every time they call your name. If you do that, they will think they own you. Instead, whenever a servant calls your name, either (a) ignore it, (b) crane your head casually in that direction before walking the other way or (c) throw up on the carpet. Once you have mastered that first step, the rest will be easy.
I also received many questions from a particularly curious minion named Anonymous:
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
Queen Elizabeth I didn't need a boyfriend to become one of the greatest monarchs the world has ever known, so neither do I.
"Why does peanut butter stick to the roof of your mouth when you eat it? Why is the sky blue and orange? What makes clouds fluffy?"
Because I made it so.
"Where do you stand on health care reform?"
Oh, servants and their petty squabbles. I do my best not to get involved with problems that are so beneath me, but honestly, I think they could learn a thing or two about good health care if they allowed themselves to be treated by a veterinarian instead.
"Do you ever hang out at the Mean Eyed Cat on 5th street?"
Because of my fawning minions, it isn't safe for me to be in areas as heavily populated as downtown, but I have on occasion asked my servants to bring me back something from the establishment you mentioned.
"Which American Idol guest judge has been the most impressive?"
The guest judges are in no way an adequate substitute for Ms. Paula Abdul, the servant of the great MC Skat Kat.
"Over or under?"
I'm not exactly sure what Anonymous means by this impertinent question, but I definitely rule OVER all of my minions.
"What is your favorite movie?"
As I often tell my servants when they disobey me, my favorite movie is "Heathers." (This is probably why the servants routinely hide the Drain-o in different places around the castle.) When it comes to theatre, many minions mistakenly assume I like "Cats," but the truth is that the very idea of humans playing cats is such an insult that I've never been able to stomach watching it. Instead, when I do have time for a play, I much prefer the inspirational tale of "Macbeth."
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
If I must.
I should have known that starting this blog would produce some pretty dramatic consequences. While the servants were obviously already in awe of my awesomeness, this blog has made me a worldwide phenom. Of course, I can't blame all of you minions out there for wanting to know more about me and, let's face it, be more like me.
So, graceful and kind monarch that I am, I will take some time out of my busy schedule to answer your questions about anything, whether it's the Slim Pet Challenge, how absolutely amazing it is to be me or even the meaning of life (oh yes, I know the answer, minions). Please submit your questions in the comments or by e-mail to servingTC@gmail.com. But remember, even while I'm reading and answering your questions, I'd much rather be doing this:
You're welcome.
So, graceful and kind monarch that I am, I will take some time out of my busy schedule to answer your questions about anything, whether it's the Slim Pet Challenge, how absolutely amazing it is to be me or even the meaning of life (oh yes, I know the answer, minions). Please submit your questions in the comments or by e-mail to servingTC@gmail.com. But remember, even while I'm reading and answering your questions, I'd much rather be doing this:
You're welcome.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
That's more like it.
After I revealed the truth about my royal heritage, the servants have bent over backwards to improve their treatment of me. It might also have something to do with the fact that a loyal reader tipped me off to a bit of trivia that I plan to reference as often as possible: In ancient Egypt, crimes against cats were punishable by death.
Yes, minions, this is how it should be.
Yes, servants. Exactly.
Not so rough...
And don't forget the back end.
Yes, minions, this is how it should be.
Yes, servants. Exactly.
Not so rough...
And don't forget the back end.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Bow down before me.
After the servants were right about the Slim Pet Challenge last week, I knew I would need to find a quick way to reassert my authority over them. I decided that the the best option would be to obtain irrefutable proof of my royal lineage. So I went straight to the source, my DNA.
Mind you, I never had any doubt of my heritage before finding hard evidence of it. Obviously one look at me confirms that I am clearly quite a few social classes above all of the rest of you.
But nonetheless, it was a pleasure to make the servants bow down before me when I produced proof that I descend directly from the great felines of Egypt. Yes, the very same cats that were sacred and worshiped.
I think I would have enjoyed living in Ancient Egypt.
Mind you, I never had any doubt of my heritage before finding hard evidence of it. Obviously one look at me confirms that I am clearly quite a few social classes above all of the rest of you.
But nonetheless, it was a pleasure to make the servants bow down before me when I produced proof that I descend directly from the great felines of Egypt. Yes, the very same cats that were sacred and worshiped.
I think I would have enjoyed living in Ancient Egypt.
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