If I must.

I should have known that starting this blog would produce some pretty dramatic consequences. While the servants were obviously already in awe of my awesomeness, this blog has made me a worldwide phenom. Of course, I can't blame all of you minions out there for wanting to know more about me and, let's face it, be more like me.

So, graceful and kind monarch that I am, I will take some time out of my busy schedule to answer your questions about anything, whether it's the Slim Pet Challenge, how absolutely amazing it is to be me or even the meaning of life (oh yes, I know the answer, minions). Please submit your questions in the comments or by e-mail to servingTC@gmail.com. But remember, even while I'm reading and answering your questions, I'd much rather be doing this:


You're welcome.

That's more like it.

After I revealed the truth about my royal heritage, the servants have bent over backwards to improve their treatment of me. It might also have something to do with the fact that a loyal reader tipped me off to a bit of trivia that I plan to reference as often as possible: In ancient Egypt, crimes against cats were punishable by death.

Yes, minions, this is how it should be.

Yes, servants. Exactly.

Not so rough...

And don't forget the back end.

Bow down before me.

After the servants were right about the Slim Pet Challenge last week, I knew I would need to find a quick way to reassert my authority over them. I decided that the the best option would be to obtain irrefutable proof of my royal lineage. So I went straight to the source, my DNA.


Mind you, I never had any doubt of my heritage before finding hard evidence of it. Obviously one look at me confirms that I am clearly quite a few social classes above all of the rest of you.


But nonetheless, it was a pleasure to make the servants bow down before me when I produced proof that I descend directly from the great felines of Egypt. Yes, the very same cats that were sacred and worshiped.

I think I would have enjoyed living in Ancient Egypt.

The torture appears to be working.

Well, my minions, I must admit that I have been humbled today. And I do not like being humbled, if you can tell by my expression in the following photo:

There is no joy to be had when the servants are right about something.

But apparently, right they were about the Slim Pet Challenge.

After one solid month of eating only the R/D food, provided for me for breakfast and dinner in serving sizes of one-third cup each, it appears I have lost some weight. When they started me on this program (against my will, I will remind you), I weighed just above 14 pounds. Now, one month later, the scale hovers between 13.5 and 14 pounds.

That, minions, is progress.

Oddly enough, the servants appear to be fatter. I would demand that they weigh too, but I think their fatness would break the scale.

I smell trouble.

I'm afraid the servants might be planning something.

I know. It's utterly unthinkable that they would undermine my authority, but now I'm more convinced than ever that this Slim Pet Challenge is just a way for them to usurp my power as they usurp my food.

For instance, this afternoon I was taking a brief rest as a reward for all the work I accomplished this morning, when I was awakened from my slumber by the sound of voices down the hall. My pricked ears recognized the distinct whining tones of the servants.


I tried to sneak in as quietly as possible so I could spy on them, but this dastardly bell they affixed around my neck sounded my arrival. I decided my best course of action was to immediately take command of the meeting, so I sat in the center of the table and demanded all of the servants' attention. I was able to salvage the meeting with my withering glare...


...but now that the meeting has concluded, I can't help but wonder - could I soon be the victim of a coup?

Don't remind me.

Apparently just because it's January, the servants are now being even more diligent with portion control and denying me snacks and treats and everything that actually tastes or smells good around here. They keep talking about New Year's resolutions and how it's the perfect time to reassess exercise and eating habits. I even stumbled across a calendar that says on January 1st: "TC: Slim Pet Challenge continues." As if I needed a calendar to remind me.


I think I'm going to go hunt down a mirror so the servants will realize I'm not the only one around here in need of a Slim Pet Challenge.

The gall of those servants!

Remember the Slim Pet Challenge program the servants insisted I enroll in? The one they said will help me (I scoff to repeat their words) lose weight? Today I discovered a promotional piece for the program that pictured, of all things, my likeness.

It's so insulting. I cannot believe the gall of these servants. I am a queen. My likeness cannot just be used willy nilly. There are rules to be followed, the first and foremost of which involves a strenuous screening process by yours truly. I did not sign off on this. I will not allow it.

Look at me, servants.

I will not allow it!

I am very busy and important.

If you watched my video last week, you may have been concerned that it did not show me doing any work, but the reality is that I work hard every single day. When you are the busiest and most important member of a huge castle, work is unavoidable. Sure, I can delegate some of the tasks requiring a lesser mind to the servants, but let's face it. They are simply just not smart enough or competent enough to handle the most important work. So much of my day is spent carrying out tasks that have proven to be much too complex for the simple-minded servants. For example, here is a photo of me taking care of my inbox:

And here I am working very hard at the computer:

My job is very hard.