Wednesday, March 16, 2011

From TV Star to Billionaire

Now that the world has seen my greatness firsthand on Animal Planet's Must Love Cats, which aired last Saturday, the fan mail and the movie offerings have been pouring in.

But let's be honest. Money talks, or meows, in my case. I'm ready to bring in the big bucks, and as LeBron knows, the big bucks come from endorsements. So, companies of America, I am clearly the most superior cat in not only Texas, not only the U.S., but the entire universe. Who better to promote your product or brand?

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Perhaps I should stick with the health/fitness realm and take on a sneaker endorsement.

Or how about "The Most Interesting Cat in the World"?

No. Those aren't good enough. I know where the money is.

You're welcome, Apple.

Monday, March 7, 2011

My Star Turn Nears

Minions! Look at me!

Now that I have your attention, you must be informed that my star debut in Animal Planet's "Must Love Cats" has been bumped up a week (no doubt because my animal magnetism could no longer be kept under wraps) to this Saturday, March 12, at 7 p.m. CST.

Watch OR ELSE!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Cover girl

Well, minions, I know you have missed me dearly in my absence, but I can assure you that I have been far too busy to miss any of you. For example, my star has embarked on such a meteoric rise that I am now on the cover of a major magazine. Feast your eyes on this:

Thank you. I know, I know--I look amazing. Have you ever seen a creature, feline or otherwise, with such fierce regality?

But that is not all. The amazingness continues inside with a world exclusive interview about my TV debut (which you will be blessed with the opportunity to see in January). Read all about my celebrity status:

The only thing I can't figure out is all this continued talk about my weight-loss efforts. Now that I am so famous, why would anyone want less of me in the world?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Slim Pet Challenge goes to the dogs

So I didn't win the Slim Pet Challenge. But in all fairness, no cat did. The whole challenge went to the dogs. Honestly, I'm more interested in staring out the window than talking about dogs.

What were we talking about? Oh yes, Dogs. Two dogs were declared winners of the Slim Pet Challenge. Sadie, a labrador who was signed up for the challenge by Paws Claws and All Animal Clinic in Missouri City, lost 25 pounds. Lenox, another labrador who was signed up by Corinth Veterinary Clinic in Corinth, lost 11 pounds.

Need I remind you that in the same period I lost three ounces! And I'm a cat. Weight loss is much much harder for cats. We reserve all our energy for mental supremacy, not jumping around every time a minion walks in the room.

Nonetheless, even though the challenge is over, I will continue to allow my servants to feed me the weight loss food. Because let's face it, at the end of the day, I'll do anything to make them stop annoying me.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Slim Pet Challenge: 0, TC: 1

The Slim Pet Challenge ended yesterday. After six months of food restriction, I lost a grand total of three ounces. I weighed 14.5 pounds back on December 15. Six weeks ago, I managed to get down to 14.2 pounds, and, my minions, that is the weight I have remained at. In other words, I have maintained my new lower weight for six weeks, which is quite an accomplishment. While I still fall into the "bigger is beautiful" category of feline, I think I have arrived at my happy weight. I will be keeping up with my food restriction on a permanent basis so I can stay at this weight, but it will be nice to spend less time worrying about my weight and get back to all the more important things I have to do. Like:

But do not panic, minions. I will still share my adventures with you and update you on any future weight loss. And of course, when I make my TV debut, you will all hear about it.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Don't mess with the bull...

You'll get the horns. Or at least that's a quote from one of my female servant's favorite movies. (She has really annoying taste.)

Remember the Animal Planet film shoot I mentioned last week? Well, after the camera crews left, the real show went down. The little upstart meow wasn't exactly thrilled about my return to the castle from my extended sojourn at the country house. In fact, she was downright territorial.

Luckily my favorite male servant broke up the fight before anything horrible could happen, but I'd like to issue a warning in picture form to the little upstart meow for if she ever tries to mess with me again. Here it goes:

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I'm a star.

Well, minions, the world has finally figured out the smart thing to do with a feline as fantastic as me. Put me on television, of course. Just look at how unbelievably photogenic I am:

A crew from Animal Planet was here to film me last week so soon you'll see my beautiful face all over your television, thus helping me achieve my goal of total media domination.

Next stop: Total world domination.